20305 notes / 2 weeks ago
20305 notes / 2 weeks ago
The first time I saw you struggling through your front door and wrestling with a suitcase that was half the size you are, my legs completely failed to lift me up and my heart begged my ribs to let it out, and I swear it wanted to be the first part of me you ever touched. I took you in trembling arms as we collapsed on the couch and I knew that I would never love anyone else. The past two years culminated inside of me and I thought I was going to explode or have a heart attack, and it was all because of you. That’s how much you mean to me and it hasn’t changed. Despite all the good times and bad times we have gone through I still feel the same way about you and I honestly think you’re lying to yourself if you can’t say the same. When I said I’ve done some growing myself, I mean that I’ve realized much of what I’ve done wrong, but also so much of the wonderful things within my life and nothing compares to you, not by a long shot. I want to cherish you forever and hold you in my arms. I want to fall asleep with you every night and make you breakfast every morning. I’d literally bend over backward to make you happy and it’s not that I don’t have the capability to stand on my own, I’d just rather go through life with you by my side. I’m still going to be growing just as you are and I’m so proud of you for finding more of who you are, but I’m terrified because I’m drifting away and I love you so much that I can’t even begin to explain… I want everything with you. I want you to take photos of us all the time and I want to make memories that will last a lifetime, I want to do the dishes and surprise you with breakfast in bed, I want to make a living and support each other in every single way. I want to watch you blossom and refine who you are and I’ll love every manifestation of yourself you’ll become. I know this because it’s all I’ve ever done. There hasn’t been a moment in the past four years where I haven’t been in love with you. I know this is a bit selfish but I want you to be there to watch me grow too… I want you to see what I can become and I have so much faith in us I would bet everything in my life on you and I. You are the most loving, selfless, beautiful individual I have ever had the honour of meeting in my life and I know that you’re struggling but I know so am I. I don’t think there’s a single thing wrong with leaning on someone for support and that’s exactly what a marriage is, it’s having someone there through the good and bad, happy, sad, rich or poor… and I know that you’re the only person that I’d ever do that for. And that’s another aspect of the whole growing thing, I’ve been dealing with a lot of family stuff lately and I’ve had to go to a funeral today in fact, but I just know how limited time is for everything I don’t want to spend another minute as just someone from your past…
The last post of this blog will be published tonight.
published/deleted the rest of my queue and drafts.
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Reminiscence, 2008-10 by Brendan George Ko
"I am searching for shades of myself, investigating my past, and finding captions that speak for each moment I had forgotten. Instead of a motorcycle, I use my feet for this journey; searching the terrain that surrounds me for my past self that has so rapidly changed over the course of half decade. And like the glass chamber that filled the dream of Phaedrus, I am only an observer to my history; completely powerless to influence change. But it is our history that makes who we are today, and it is who we are today that makes who we are tomorrow. Through my own investigation, I am reading old journal entries, and biographical fiction I wrote in different times of my life. My words will find themselves on windows of places that hold a certain memory, and after they are documented they will remain as mementos to remind me of this act as well as to engage to others who pass by. The sceneries behind these windows will be out of focus like the memory of the captions have faded through time, becoming less clear and less real."
I know that you think I’m kind of odd.
But if your love was a mountain, I swear that I’d climb to the top.
I’d tell you “you’re lovely and everything I’ll ever need,
And I’d give you my all if you’d just come and stand next to me.”
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